Nov 22 2013
A few days before I went for the retreat I came upon two inspirational quotes that somehow became a focus for me. One was from Eckhart Tolle who said “I decided I could no longer live with myself, which gave me the understanding there were two of me and one of them must not be real.” and the other from Regina Dawn Akers who said the loop of conditioning is “What I think, I see; what I see, I experience; what I experience, I think.”
These opened me to remembering that I am the witnessing presence of the dream of Lynne and also that to change my thinking would change my experience.
First night, open hearts, piercing the shell of mine, thank you all. I know I have to break so I can break open. My voice as usual paralyzed with terror.
Meditative space to watch and listen. Room pulsating with Presence. “We will seek and we will find.”
Noticed “silence is not in the world, it must be somewhere else”
Moved past strong resistance to ever reach out and spoke to Frances about the pain of remnants of old family stuff coming up again. If I don’t feel loved I cannot give love. Frances says “look within, have you truly forgiven?” Miracles cannot extend from bodies, only spirit.
Lovely picture of Jesus on wall, “I am the door to love without conditions, when you walk through you too will be the door.”
David’s lunchtime talk, “It is always a perceptual problem.” How deeply towards oneness those talks led our minds throughout the retreat.
Windy day, a picture of St. Francis with his hand out to two doves, blew to my feet, lots of tears flowed.
Poems, inspirations arrived. “From the cave of her heart we are watching her dreaming, she still thinks its real, one day she’ll wake up.”
Our task is to watch and learn, watch our reactions to the events as they play out, trust in God, heal our mind.
“Be still and know that I AM God, be still and know I AM,” thanks for the music and drawing time Rochelle, especially on the fasting day.
Gentle head and shoulder rubs just when needed, thanks Nemera and Colin.
ACIM wisdom card at Elf’s “How easy to follow God’s will when you recognize it is your own.” Dear Elf, such kind and loving hospitality, even when the water supply stopped for a day. 🙂
Meditation, “the bright moonlit pebbles show us the way home, when the moon goes behind the clouds don’t forget it is still there.” Thanks to all you beautiful bright pebbles who light my way.
Tiny little creatures in the Yowrie River, casting big shadows on the bottom of the river. Then I see the shadows are each back-lit by an amazing halo of bright light that always goes with them. Without the shadow we would not see the light.
When illusion tells me I’m not as good, I’m never going to fly, I remember, even mighty eagles have to learn to fly.
Movie “Baraka” The power of the world of form! Our perception made all this? Drawn back for a while to my old god who created the beauty of the earth just for my delight. I think you know him too Graham.
Beautiful morning voices chanting, JP playing sweet music. “God is my life, I have no life but His”
Recalled many years ago, talking to the God I had long thought had abandoned me. He said “You will find me in your heart.” I never truly understood as my heart seemed home to fear and loss, and the “bony fingers” were always clutching away. On this retreat the fear has faded to “short and sharp” and something soft is stirring alongside, like a kitten, purring. In deep meditation “I feel the Love of God within me now.”
This perfect retreat property, wonderful irisis in all colours, bursting into bloom then fading. Greg and Emily busy and responsible but still prepared to share their deepest feelings.
Weeding, tending, mulching, watering, feeding the fish, in service I forgot completely that I “hate gardening.” Even loved the sleepy garden snakes, black with their bright red bellies.
Amazing forest all around, bird calls, many long walks and gratitude to those who joined me and mutually agreed to “break the silence.” Such precious and helpful sharing, thanks dear Gavin and Pete. Learning about guidance, trust and follow, “if you follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance there will be no guilt.” “Everyone will be looked after.”
The fun of the trip from Sydney with instant new best friends Dennis and Paul. Then at the retreat to discover the depth of Paul’s music talent. Paul and Emily’s first singing of Hallelujah had me mesmerised, just beautiful. All the music on the retreat. Exceptional, such pure clear voices and Greg’s clever and fun songs and accompaniment. What a concert we had on the last night!
Gratitude for all the service given with love, the yummy breakfasts, thanks boys, and Colin keeping the wood chopped for the fire. Namera keeping the room always so cared for, all the dinners by those who did not know they could cook, all the clean-up helpers.
Dave, for his devoted driving the first week, and then for his final visit that unveiled the incredible range of projections we visited upon him. Reminded me of all that has been projected onto Jesus over the centuries. “I have given what I see all the meaning it has for me.”
Intense dreams at night. From one I was directed to the Course quote “Further, the mind of the learner projects its own conflict, and thus does not perceive consistency in the minds of others, making him suspicious of their motives” (Another of my issues unveiled, thank you Spirit) The obstacles we invent to justify keeping ourselves separate keep being revealed and removed. “He leadeth me and knows the way, which I know not.”
I had an enormous healing experience, a little of which I was able to express. Reading Song of Prayer on Forgiveness of Yourself. “Do not see error” Some remaining rock in my heart broke open and as I sat crying, I saw my tears falling on the feet of the one my forgiveness issue centres around and the question was posed to me. “If Christ appeared before you what gifts would you want to offer?” It was answered, flowers and love and I became aware of a place in my heart where these same offerings dwell or could be placed, that everyone including me warrants these,and that always offering them to others is how forgiveness will be granted to me. I feel healed,” teetering on the edge of an abyss of joy, give me a push, I’ll fly.”
It is wonderful to know that the sandstorm of my daily life has such firm support from all you wonderful, strong companions. I more easily return to the place of peace and joy.
Endless love and gratitude dear friends, JP, Frances, Rochelle, Colin, Elf, Dennis, Paul, Dave, Dianne, Nameera, Birgit, Jenny,Graham, Pete, Gavin, Greg, Emily. You will be in my heart forever.